Every morning I walk to work, unless it is raining. Because in Sierra Leone it doesn’t merely ‘rain’ so much as it ‘colossally downpours’. It is roughly a 15 minute stroll to the hospital and there is plenty to see along the way for people-watching and taking in the sights of a typical day.
There are the school children in all different styles and colors of school uniform, smiling shyly and not-so-subtly staring at me, the white person 😆. There are the large construction trucks with waaaaay too many people crowded into/on top of them, spilling off the sides and backs, honking wildly as they pass. There are women selling many different things, motorbikes coming and going (the people’s primary taxi choice), and my favorite are the vans (poda-podas), cars or small cart-like vehicles (okadas) with the most random quotes and sayings painted boldly across the front. Most are religious based and some are a bit delightfully odd: “To be a Man,” and “Allah is Lion,” are a couple examples. Perhaps my favorite thing I have seen thus far, is a yellow taxi with netting on the front hood and a large brightly-colored beach ball in the netting lol. Um Ok? As I said, there is usually lots to see on my walks to and from the hospital. I also did see the proverbial chicken crossing the road. Yes, watching the pretty, dainty white hen cross the road to the other side whilst dodging Sierra Leonne traffic was enough to make my heart skip a few beats and enough excitement for one day (chickens and hens have free range here and wander about).
During one of my first walks to work, I noticed I was getting several somewhat disapproving and annoyed looks from people. I can’t say they were looking directly at me but more in a subtle, roundabout sort of way, almost as if they were looking around, behind, very near to me and then eventually at me. Hmmm, I thought to myself. Enough people looked at me in that way enough times that I began feeling slightly anxious. Perhaps I had offended someone though I didn’t have any ideas on what I may have done. Dressed a certain way I shouldn’t have? Done a gesture that was offensive? I could sense something was up and I began feeling very anxious about it. I continued my walk tense, nervous, and generally having no clue what was going on, a feeling I hate. Well, not necessarily that feeling per say (because living in a foreign country at the moment, the unknown is my status quo mental state). It is more the feeling of inadequacy and stupidity that comes from not knowing. But also the unknown, too. Ah, anxiety 😐.
In the mornings, there are often many, many people (especially women and children) sitting outside the hospital gate waiting for it to open. I arrived at the hospital on this particular day and the large crowd of people obviously reacted to my arrival. The adults were begrudgingly smiling and the children, several small ones in particular, were practically jumping up and down shouting with glee & grabbing towards me while their parents held onto their diapers to keep them close. All of a sudden, into this attentive riled-up crowd marched (well, more like ran amok) Smile himself! He is one of our house dogs we adopted from the streets before I had even arrived here. Ah!! Smile had followed me to work! That would explain the looks I was getting as Sierra Leone isn’t necessarily a pet-centric culture and they probably thought the dog was being a nuisance by following me.
I literally had no idea he was behind me as Smile is apparently a ninja. I never heard or saw him until he got to the hospital and decided to make his grand entrance through the crowd of adults and children and cause a bit of light-hearted raucous.
This little event got me thinking about our fear of the unknown. All during my walk I felt a mild unease and anxiety based on the extra attention I was getting and the fact that I didn’t know what was going on. However, once I got to the hospital and Smile waltzed into the crowd, I realized that this “unknown” thing hanging over me actually turned out to be a lovely little surprise: a silly, stupidly happy, enormously friendly, mange-ey doggie that made all the kids smile and giggle while they waited to enter the hospital. The worse thing to be anxious about in this situation was just that Smile would give too many kisses to someone lol. Orrrrrrr, that he’d be triaged into the patient queue right alongside all the kiddos awaiting medication injections lol 😆 (Sidenote: apparently Smile has done this type of thing before and has followed many a colleague to the hospital lol. Now I am on to him and know when he follows me 😏).
So perhaps we can all try to be a little more open-minded about the things Life has in store for us. Notice, I didn’t say “more optimistic and positive” or “be less anxious” because really, we all know Life is messy and can be *very* hard and complicated and anxiety is a serious matter you don’t just decide you will not have any more. So, I am not a simpleton in my views but alongside all my routine feelings, I want to consciously carve out a little more space in my psyche for the unexpected surprises. Really I want to give things a small but viable chance to take shape, their own. Before I inadvertently smother or stifle them with my expectations, I want a chance for all the unknowns to turn into unexpected surprises, all the dreads into wonderful detours, and all the anxieties into something as silly as a little black and white doggie running into a crowd of beautiful Sierra Leone babies to get pettin’s and to give lovin’z.
Little Big Life 