Trails to Lines

It is not always a good omen when there is a dead cow carcass at the trail-head of your planned hike lol.

I had hiked this area about a year prior with a friend of mine and because the area is very special to me, I wanted to see it again before I left the States so I decided to hike it myself. Now, what many people don’t realize about me is I am quite scared most of the time. Of quite a lot of things. I may come across as adventurous and daring, but on the inside, at least 85% of the time I am scared. Case in point, on my hike I came across some cow hoof prints. The ground was muddy and soft and I couldn’t 100% make them out, but somehow my mind took a fairly clear outline of a cow print and twisted it into a mountain lion paw print and after I decided that I was probably being tracked, i.e. stalked by a mountain lion, I ended up “Google Imaging” cow vs. mountain lion prints when I had a small sliver of service. And indeed, I probably was being stalked. By a cow. Probably the ghost of the dead cow mentioned above. But moving on…ah, it’s fun when your mind plays tricks on you 🙂

However, I have decided that for the most part, I can live with fear but I cannot live with not actively choosing the things I want to do in my life. I can’t live with sitting on the sidelines and not pursuing the things that speak to my soul. In my mind, I always picture myself finely dressed at a tea party. I’m surrounded by very dear and valued guests, friends and family. “Fear” is a guest there too. He’s socializing with myself and the other guests, not being a nuisance or anything like that except for eating too many scones. But Fear is very much present and accounted for. I can live with that. What I can’t live with is “Fear” spiking the tea with alcohol, becoming belligerent and obnoxiously monopolizing the spotlight at the party to go on a lengthy, awful tirade about all the reasons to be scared about life. All the reasons why nothing will ever work. So I will always try to acknowledge Fear’s presence and we can say hello and exchange simple pleasantries, but I don’t want to give him too much a monopoly on my time, energy or attention. He can take the backseat (or preferably the trunk) since he insists on coming along for the ride, for the trip, for the lifetime. And you can bet your beehives that he does not touch the radio lol 🙂

Anyways, my summer hike was to the Natural Bridges (also called the Land Bridges) in Terry, Montana. It was quite a lovely little hike. However, there was one moment of serious doubt and despair. At one point, after I had been walking along for many miles, the trail looked like it had ended. It just stopped abruptly. I looked everywhere for any continuation, any sign of a path. I could not find one. The picture below is what the ending of my hike looked like, or so I thought. Ruin. I had not visited this area in a long time so I thought that perhaps some terrible disaster, either natural or man-made, had befallen my beloved bridges.

After about 30 minutes of sitting there feeling very low, I stood up to leave. I was near a little meadow of flowers/weeds that were very dense and very high, almost past my waist. At the moment I walked over to the edge of it, a little breeze picked up and shifted the flower-weeds a bit. There was a moment where the sun hit JUST RIGHT and I could just make out the thinnest and tiniest of trails going through the flower patch!!! You guys, I’m not kidding you. It was literally like the Universe was sending the gift of a sign just for little ‘ol me to see! The pictures do not do it justice. You will just have to trust me, that with how tired and hot I was from walking all day (and my thirst and hunger), it was very hard to spot. The line (as I wouldn’t even call it a trail at this point) through them was so thin and the way the sun and light hit, I could just barely make it out.

But it was a sign, regardless. I decided to follow it as best I could and it wonderfully led me to one of my all-time favorite special places:

This whole lost-and-then-rediscovered-and-revealed trail thing got me thinking. Sometimes Life feels impossibly hard and you often feel like you are at the end of your marked “trail”. All you want to do is sit on the dirty ground and cry in sheer frustration of it all. Sometimes you feel so tired, hungry, hot, and just downright lost and I don’t think that is abnormal. In fact, the way I have been feeling lately (growing pains on top of a broken heart on top of all the standard everyday less-than-positive emotions that we cycle through), I think it’s quite normal.

What I do truly believe though, is though we may feel we are at the end of our “trails” there will always, always be a sign. Something will always reveal itself to us, though we may have to sit in the dirt and on the ground miserably for awhile (wishing we had brought more Cliff bars lol). Or we just have to sit in silence with ourselves, period, miserable or not. If we can choose to be brave enough to look, NOT to be without fear but simply make the choice to really truly see things, there could be a line just barely discernible. Certainly not the marked trail we grew accustomed to, but something will be there inviting us to see it. See it for what it is. And if we are brave enough, that something just may feel that it can speak to our soul and invite us to cross the line. To follow it.

Sexy Boots, Take 1!

Sexy Boots, Take 2!

So be brave, my friends. Be willing to sit in the silence, in the unknown, in the despair if need be. Most importantly, be willing to look for the next sign. It will come. And bring along enough Cliff bars for the journey 😉

Author: ashiawehbe

I am a nurse by profession and am fortunate enough to absolutely and whole-heartedly love what I do, though it can be exceptionally challenging at times. I am a foodie and love to cook and bake. Beer is my beverage of choice and I'm studying to be a Cicerone as I hit up as many microbreweries as I can. I like arts and crafts and occasionally make cool things. Antiques, thrift stores and Pinterest are all pretty neat to me. I am an avid reader and especially love modern poetry. I'm a theater junkie & will go to any play/performance I can. I deeply enjoy the outdoors and being in nature, especially camping and hiking. I am probably an ambivert but definitely am recharged by alone time. I am kind of silly and random but probably come off as a bit too serious, when really, I'm just a girl. And girls just wanna have fun. Do I even need to say that I also enjoy long walks on the beach? Because I do. And while we're at it, we'll throw in 'drinking pina coladas and getting caught in the rain' for shits and giggles. Because I'd be down for that, too. View all posts by ashiawehbe